Present Incorrect

I recently went on a date with a guy which was all very well and good. He seemed nice, we chatted comfortably but he didn’t really sweep me off my feet. Still, it was pleasant and we were texting a bit back and forth.

Then at work the next day, I find a present turn up on my desk from him. Not flowers, not chocolates, but a little plasticine effigy of me (or that’s what I’m guessing it was supposed to be – not just some random woman).

Before that I probably I would have seen him again. Now I’m not so sure.

Am I right in thinking this is a weird thing to do?

Katrina

You are right. There is something very weird in what you describe – but it might not be exactly what you first think.

Yes, he made an effigy of you after a first date. I can see how this might seem weird at first glance but consider this. Of all the things he could have made an effigy of, does it not seem kind of natural – were he in an arts and crafts sort of mood – that he would make one of you? It’s only logical, right? So we’ll let him off that.

Yes, he appears to have had instantaneous access to a few different shades of plasticine – a material predominantly favoured by children and the mentally negligible. Still, unless he made a midnight raid on an arts supply shop in order to procure it, this isn’t really a massive cause for alarm either.

Yes, he seems to have a bit too much free time on his hands – particularly if he can make such a labour-intensive gift on a tight turnaround during the traditional working week – but perhaps he is independently wealthy and has an impulsive streak. No bad thing.

What makes the situation weird – in my eyes, at least – is that it was sent to you at work.

Continue reading

The Stalker Card

So there’s this girl who temped with the team next to mine at work for about six months. I spoke to her on maybe two occasions (once was “thanks” and “you’re welcome” after I stood like a plonker for about ten seconds holding the door open for her as she came down the corridor; the other she actually asked me how my weekend was). I went on holiday for a week during the summer and came back to find that she’d left.

I’m always trying to get her ex-colleagues to get the Aussie out for drinks with us but, evidently, so far this has failed, so should I just be patient and hope one day she’ll accept an invitation to come out with us? Or do I play the ‘stalker’ card, add her on Facebook and let the woo-ing commence?

Thanks!
Mark

Though I imagine the office of which you speak is not an 80s themed fun pub in West Yorkshire, I feel that there is something fundamentally transferable about the tale I’m about to relate. (And if I’m wrong and your office is an 80s themed fun pub in West Yorkshire, then so much the better).

It’s quite long, so if you’d rather just skip to the advice portion of this, then you are more than welcome.

Ready?

OK. Continue reading

That Vibe

I have more of a question than a problem I think.

I’ve been single for nearly 2 years now. I am about to turn 25, I’m happy with my life and look after my appearance. I just seem to be completely unapproachable, other than by sleazepots in bars. Is that normal? Or is there some sort of vibe that I need to put out to attract men?

Regards,
Philippa

First, let me start by saying this. Sleazepots in bars are a law unto themselves. Like birth, death and taxes they are an unavoidable part of life and so you shouldn’t change your attitude in order to avoid or entice them. They will always be around so – for the moment, at least – you should disregard them.

To address the substance of your query though: in terms of the sort of vibe you should be sending out, I don’t think there is really anything you can actively do about this. Continue reading

About The Night Before The Night Before Last

I met a nice guy at a party on Friday night and didn’t end up, erm, saying goodbye to him until Saturday morning. Now, I’m usually a very good girl and I’ve no idea about the protocol here. We have each others’ numbers, but as yet I have heard nothing from him (OK, it’s only Monday). How long should I leave it before assuming this was just a one night stand? I’d quite like to see him again. Is it acceptable for me to contact him if I still haven’t heard anything in a few days, or should I just forget about it?

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

There are, to my mind, two (possibly) three things that could have happened here. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to work through them one by one.

THE FIRST: You have been in contact with this boy and he is not replying.

I am ashamed to admit that I have done this before and I am embarrassed to confess that it has happened to me too. I have ignored and I have been ignored. In my experience what it means is that he is trying to communicate, albeit in a rather unsophisticated manner, that he doesn’t want a relationship. Continue reading

Nice Work If You Can Get It

How can you tell if a man is flirting with you as opposed to just being friendly? Especially when said man works in a coffee shop and could quite easily just be doing his job.

Thanks!
Rebecca

Dear Rebecca,

I have had a number of jobs in my time. I have worked in a shoe factory, packing and labelling boxes ready for national distribution; I have waited tables and tended bars at both high- and low-brow establishments. I have been a science-based children’s entertainer in the Yorkshire and Humberside area; I have been a pianist for a ‘Allo ‘Allo-style faux-French cabaret act. I have been a receptionist, a copy-editor, a dental nurse and a relationships columnist and let me tell you this:

Not one single one of those jobs – NOT ONE – has required me to flirt. Continue reading